I know what you might be thinking, and no, it’s not that F-word! It’s Forgiveness, and trust me, it can set you free.
In a world bombarded with messages of revenge, retaliation, and getting even, forgiveness often gets overlooked. We tend to think of forgiveness as something we do for others, but in reality, it’s all about setting ourselves free from the burden of resentment and anger we carry.
Let me share a bit of my own journey with forgiveness. When I was just four years old, I was molested by someone close to my family. This traumatic experience led me to close myself off from trusting others, and I even ended up in relationships where the abuse pattern repeated. It wasn’t until later, as I began to work on myself, that I discovered this buried memory. The anger and resentment I had towards my abuser consumed me, affecting my mental health and preventing me from moving forward.
But then, something shifted. Everywhere I turned, I was met with messages of forgiveness. Whether it was from a book I was reading or advice from my therapist, the universe seemed to be nudging me towards forgiveness. Even in my dreams, signs appeared, urging me to let go.
Slowly but surely, I began to release the weight of my anger and resentment through forgiveness. It wasn’t easy, but with each step, I felt lighter and more liberated. Forgiveness wasn’t about excusing my abuser’s actions; it was about reclaiming my power and freeing myself from the chains of the past.
So, if you’re carrying around bitterness and resentment, I urge you to consider the power of forgiveness.; it’s about setting yourself free and letting others off the hook. Trust me, it’s worth it.
So, I want to share all the tools and concepts I used to totally free myself. There isn’t a single correct way to forgive. Whether it’s a tool, meditation, or ritual, you just need to find what resonates with you to let go. I’ll share what worked for me, but you can discover your own path.
1. Forgiveness is about YOU!
Forgiveness is about YOU. It’s about setting yourself free. It may involve another person, but it’s mainly about YOU. There’s a famous quote that says, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” When you realize that forgiveness is all about you, you begin to free yourself. The main reason we find it hard to forgive is because we might want the other person to suffer more, giving us a false sense of power. Or, we might cling to victimhood because forgiving means facing the hurt instead of just anger and resentment, which might seem easier to handle. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt you. It means you love yourself enough to let go of the heavy emotions of holding grudges. IT’S ABOUT YOU!
2. Forgiveness is a daily practice. Rinse and repeat!
Forgiveness is something you need to do every day. It’s like washing your hair: rinse and repeat. It’s not a one-time thing. You have to convince your subconscious mind that it’s okay to let go. I found it interesting that even if you say you forgive someone consciously, your subconscious mind might feel differently. That’s why I emphasize the rinse and repeat phrase. Forgiveness is a daily practice.
3. Hoʻoponopono
Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian forgiveness technique. You can practice it daily by printing it out and following its steps. Here’s what it means:
“I am sorry”: Take full responsibility for what’s happening in your life. You’re accountable for your thoughts and actions, regardless of others’ involvement. Accept that past thoughts and actions contribute to current issues. You can say:
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- I am sorry for holding the grudges, anger, resentment and unforgiveness for so long. It will no longer be allowed to bother me.
“I forgive you”: Let go of the problem or situation. It’s no longer your burden to bear. Forgive others and yourself for mistakes made. Release grudges, resentment, and anger.
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- I forgive you for whatever from my perspective you did to me. We all do mistakes. I made also my mistakes. It’s part of evolution. I release you by forgiving you.
- I forgive myself for holding on to this grudge, resentment and anger for so long.
“Thank you”: Express gratitude for the lessons learned from the situation. Be thankful for the opportunity to grow and receive forgiveness and love.
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- Thank you for the gift of forgiveness, thank you for all the lessons this situation taught me. Thank myself for releasing this heavy baggage. Thank you God, Universe, Source, Myself for the healing for myself and all involved.
“I love you”: Infuse the situation with love. Love is a powerful healing force that can transform any circumstance.
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- I love you, I love you, I love you. I fill all this situation with love, I fill myself with love.
4. Practice Let Go of things
Practice letting go of things, like old clothes or objects you have emotional attachments to. Start by decluttering your space. Sell or give away clothes you no longer wear. This helps you practice detachment. If you struggle to let go of a t-shirt, you might not want to let go of a negative emotion or attachment. So, by clearing out physical clutter, you can also work on letting go of emotional baggage.
5. Forgiveness Meditations
There are many guided meditations available to help you forgive. One meditation that helped me a lot is by Master Co. You can do it right now. In this meditation, you visualize the person you need to forgive in front of you. Then, imagine removing their physical body, revealing their soul. You forgive their soul, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes as part of their growth. Visualize using a lightsaber to cut any cords connecting you to this person, allowing them to move further away from you while surrounded by light. This meditation can help you release any resentment and find peace within yourself. How cool is that! A lightsaber! You are slowly becoming a jedi!
6. Any form of praying
Prayer or any form of asking the Divine for help is beneficial in forgiveness. You can pray to a higher power or even to Yourself, asking for guidance in forgiveness. Start by asking, “What do I need to forgive?” Then, ask for help, saying, “God, help me to forgive.” Use the words that are more familiar with you. You can also inquire within yourself, asking how you can let go more easily. Trust in the process and be open to receiving the answers and guidance you seek.
7. Seek for professional help
If you’re in therapy, don’t hesitate to ask your practitioner for help with forgiveness. Therapists have many effective tools to assist you in this process. They can offer techniques, exercises, and guidance tailored to your individual needs to support you in forgiving yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to reach out and utilize their expertise to aid you on your journey toward forgiveness and healing.
8. Forgiveness Visualization
Practice visualization to forgive. Visualization is a powerful tool for forgiveness. Close your eyes and imagine the person or situation you need to forgive. Picture yourself letting go of any anger or resentment you’re holding onto. Visualize yourself releasing the negative emotions and replacing them with feelings of peace, love and acceptance. How will you feel if you let them go? How will you feel if you totally forgive yourself? Feel those feelings while you visualize. Repeat this visualization regularly to help yourself forgive and move forward.
9.- Don't forget to Forgive Yourself!
Forgiving yourself is crucial for your well-being. You can start by practicing self-forgiveness in front of a mirror. Look into your eyes and say to yourself every day, “I forgive you, I love you, I let myself off the hook.” I know this can be very uncomfortable. But just stay and observe what comes up unconditionally. It can bring up a memory, an image, tears coming down. Just be gentle with yourself. Repeat this process regularly until you feel a shift within yourself. Remember, it’s like shampooing your hair—rinse and repeat until you notice a difference. Trust yourself; you’ll know when you’ve truly forgiven yourself.
10. Higher Perspective
When you practice daily forgiveness, you will get a higher perspective of why the people that hurt you did what they did. Maybe it’s because they are hurt and the only way they relate to others is by hurting people. Maybe it’s because they don’t know better, like we all people we have conditioning, a set of beliefs and experiences that make us who we are and do what we do. Maybe they couldn’t be themselves and they projected onto you all that hurt. And even better you will realize all this time that event was teaching you something, was teaching you to forgive, to let go, to have compassion for others, to forgive the unforgivable and to create a better story for yourself.
How do you know if you've truly set yourself free and forgiven others and yourself?
Here are some signals:
- The emotional intensity related to the event you needed to forgive is no longer present. You can discuss the event from a neutral standpoint, as if you were talking to a friend, without feeling emotional or upset.
- You may have dreams involving the person you forgave, but they are positive dreams, and you no longer feel resentment or heavy emotions during or after these dreams.
- When you see or interact with the person you forgave, there is no longer any emotional charge. You can be around them without feeling upset or triggered.
These signs indicate that you have successfully let go of the past and forgiven both yourself and others, allowing yourself to move forward with peace and freedom. This is what worked for me, but you are free to find your own ways!
If you are reading this, something inside of you brought you here. I hope you set yourself free and start creating a beautiful peaceful life for YOU!
Keep Loving Yourself!
With Love,
Vanessa Jimenez
Help us to spread the message of self-love and forgiveness!
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