Self-love isn’t just one thing – it’s a bunch of things! At its heart, it means fully embracing yourself, being kind, and treating yourself with respect. It’s about having a caring attitude toward the most important relationship you’ll ever have: the one with yourself. Let’s explore a few ways to understand and practice self-love, and the tools you can start using to nurture that everlasting connection with you.
1.- Accepting yourself as who you are
Self-love means embracing all of you—your light and your darkness, strengths and weaknesses, and the ups and downs. It’s about understanding and appreciating your worth, no matter what you achieve or what society says. It’s knowing your true self.
We often get influenced by how we should look or act based on media, movies, and social media. But remember, you are like a shining light, a soul having a human experience. Your soul doesn’t have gender, shape, titles, grades, or jobs. Your worth can’t be measured by human standards.
You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, born in the right place, looking just as you should. It’s not luck—it’s all part of your purpose and soul’s journey. You’re valuable simply because you exist.
Self-love tools: A helpful tool for boosting self-acceptance is Mirror work. Louise Hay has an amazing book and tools on mirror work.
2.- Forgiveness
Self-love is about forgiving others and yourself. It’s a freeing practice – if you want to feel light, forgiveness is the key. When you hold grudges or resentment towards another person, you are literally creating a negative attachment to the other person. This attachment will hold you back if you want to move forward.
To truly love yourself and progress in life, you have to let go of this weight. You can’t go to better and higher places if you’re carrying this weight. Hate and resentment are heavy energies that hold you down. Let go of the weight, cut the cords , and set yourself free.
Forgiveness is an act of self-love. It releases you from negative bonds, allowing you to move forward. Remember, forgiveness involves another person, but it’s not about them – it’s about setting yourself free.
And don’t forget about self-forgiveness! We’re often harder on ourselves than anyone else. So, be sure to forgive yourself too.
Self-love tools: One of the tools that have helped me a lot in the forgiveness and self-forgiveness process is this meditation of Master Co, and the Ho’oponopono technique.
3.- Be a healthy boundary boss
Self-love involves having healthy boundaries. When you truly respect yourself, you won’t let others treat you poorly. This is where healthy boundaries come in. If you’re like me, you might say yes to avoid upsetting people, even when you want to say no. It’s like abandoning yourself and putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable.
Your task is to stop abandoning yourself. Set healthy boundaries in your personal relationships, at work, and in your personal life. Say yes only when you mean it, skip plans when you genuinely don’t want to go, and politely ask aunt Sally to stop with the awkward questions at family dinners. Let go of relationships that no longer support you. These boundaries are for your own well-being and happiness. It’s time to stop abandoning yourself.
Self-love tools: Here are some resources that can help you to start setting boundaries. Setting boundaries book, and workbook.
4.- Do what you love to do
Self-love is all about honoring what you want and need. Many times, we make choices to please others or to fit into what society expects, but we end up losing ourselves in the process. We bury our true desires just to realize later that we might have chosen the wrong path.
The good news is, it’s never too late to get back on track. Ask yourself: What do you really want to do? What lights up your soul? What makes you happy and brings you joy? Focus on those things because they lead to joy and happiness.
You might say, “I don’t have time or money for what makes me happy.” But think of it as an investment in yourself. When you’re happy doing what you love, that joy spreads to your work and the people around you. This positive energy can even lead to a raise or better opportunities at work, bringing in more money to support your desires and travels. That’s how the energy flows.
5.- Let Go
Self-love is about releasing things that weigh you down – the hurts, grudges, possessions, bad experiences, and expectations. Are you still holding onto memories of schoolyard bullies or replaying past moments that bring you pain?
When you let go, you open the door to a fresh start, allowing yourself to move forward and, most importantly, find peace. This applies to relationships, possessions, desires, and expectations that no longer bring you joy or peace.
I know it’s tough. There’s a saying that when we’re about to let go, we tend to hold on even tighter. I clung to dreams I had since my bachelor days for about seven years, and the thought of letting them go caused immense stress. But holding onto that path only made me sicker. What I thought would bring happiness was slowly taking a toll on me.
Then, whether you call it God or the universe, something shook me up and shattered everything I had built. Surprisingly, this upheaval brought a peace I had never known, a joy and happiness reminiscent of my childhood. Looking back, I realize that the path I was clinging to would have literally killed me. Now, I understand why letting go is crucial to receiving greater things, things beyond our wildest dreams. If something is causing you pain and stress, take it as a sign to let it go. Surrender to a higher intelligence, and let it work its magic. I am not saying quit on your dreams, but maybe there is a better path/way.
6.- Stop comparing to others
Embracing self-love involves breaking free from the comparison trap. Each person has an unique path, and your individuality is unparalleled; there has never been nor will there ever be anyone quite like you. In the age of social media, the challenge intensifies as we find ourselves exposed to curated glimpses into others’ lives. The illusion of a flawless existence prevails, often perpetuated by our own biased highlight reels.
To safeguard your well-being, consider a conscious curation of your digital environment. Unfollow or mute accounts that contribute to negative feelings, especially if social media becomes a source of discontent. A powerful antidote to the comparison game is gratitude. Take a moment to appreciate your journey, your body, the people in your life, and your physical appearance. Behind every highlight shared online lies a hidden narrative, a personal journey with struggles and triumphs that may not be readily apparent. Stepping back and cultivating gratitude can help dissolve the toxic allure of comparisonitis.
Self-love tools: Some journals that can help you to keep your grateful practice are: 5 Minute grateful Journal, Letters to the Universe, and Spanish Cartas al universo.
7.- Embrace your weirdness!
Self-love is about embracing who you really are. It’s recognizing the special spark inside you. When I had what I like to call my first spiritual experience with this special part of me, it became clear that self-love was the key. Now, when I talk about this idea, I use the word God, but you might say Universe, Infinite Intelligence, Higher Self, or maybe you have your own way of thinking about it. It’s like the force in Star Wars, or maybe you just believe in yourself, and that’s enough.
So, inside you, there’s something divine. If you peel away all the things that society and life have put on you, what’s left is like pure light. Understanding this, showing respect to the creator, to life, also means showing respect to yourself. The world needs you. It needs the real you, with your unique talents and gifts that only you have. The world needs your voice, your art, your way of doing things. You get it, right? In a world where you can be anything, just be yourself.
Self-love tools: Are you interested in teaching your kids self-love? I have a kids book that I created that teaches kids the basics of self-love. Grab it here in Spanish! Here in English.
Got another question about Self-love heart?
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Vanessa Jimenez x
